How to Make Values-Based Decisions

I used to make a lot of decisions I regretted instantly.

Like picking up the phone when I knew the caller would drain my time and emotional energy. The moment I said hello, I felt that familiar pit in my stomach. My thinking brain had overridden every signal my body was sending.

I was plowing through decisions with only my thinking part turned on, never checking in with my body or feelings. The result? Commitments that felt wrong from the moment I made them.

Science backs up what I learned the hard way. We have a literal second brain in our gut called the enteric nervous system, containing over 100 million nerve cells that influence our feelings and decision-making processes.

Learning your body’s decision language

I’ve developed a physical vocabulary for decision-making. Values misalignment feels like a pit in my stomach. Fear has energy to it, often with a buzzing sensation in my fingers.

The difference matters. Fear might signal I'm stepping outside my comfort zone in a growth direction. The pit means I’m violating something fundamental about what I value.

Now I pause before deciding. I give myself time, ask for it if needed, sit down and breathe. I’ve started journaling more, creating pros and cons lists that include how each option feels in my body.

When your manager parts need a break

Through Internal Family Systems work, I’ve identified my manager parts: the thinking, soldier, and fixer aspects that have served me well but also led to burnout.

These parts make me really good at what I do—in business and in life—but I have learned that when they take over, I often end up exhausted. Now when making decisions, I sit and ask the parts showing up what they need. Usually this involves some box breathing and honest internal dialogue.

Lately, my manager parts keep saying they need a break. They’re tired. This insight consistently leads me to say no more often and prioritize what’s right for me, and for my business.

The organizational mirror

Organizations mirror these same patterns. Leaders often make decisions based on what others might say or think, or get stuck on sunk costs rather than checking internal wisdom.

If organizations could ask their parts what they need, I believe the answer would be clear: Take time to figure out what's best long-term by defining your mission, vision, and values. These will serve as your north star for decision-making.

When companies don’t do this, their burnt-out manager parts show up as defensiveness, anxiety, chasing shiny objects, and avoiding the hard things because they have no idea where to start.

5 tips for making values-based decisions

1. Clearly define your vision and value. What does success look like? What principles guide you? These become your decision filters.

2. Pause and breathe before deciding. Give yourself permission to take time. Ask for it if you need it. Journal about it—I find making lists can be easier than free-form writing.

3. Check in with your body and internal parts. Notice physical sensations—is this energy and excitement, or a pit in your stomach? Ask different aspects of yourself what they need and listen to what emerges.

4. Ask yourself directly: "Is this fear or something else?" For me, fear has energy. Values misalignment feels heavy and draining.

5. Track patterns in your decisions. Keep a simple log of choices that felt right vs. wrong. You'll start seeing which values matter most in different contexts.

Your body processes information your conscious mind hasn’t caught up to yet. Learning to read these signals transforms decision-making from reactive thinking to integrated wisdom.

The pit in your stomach isn’t just discomfort. It’s data.